5 Of The Dumbest Purchases You Could Ever Make

When my son was born in 1995 being the great father that I am I wanted him to have knowledge. That meant getting a full set of encyclopedias. That was before the Internet was a really big deal and I was kind of stupid. It turns out by the time he was old enough to read the information in them was obsolete and with online reference material in abundance these books have done nothing but collect dust and occupy space. They have also been a constant reminder by  my wife that she is actually higher on the food chain than I am.

The Chia Pet and subsequent variations on the "chia" theme have been an actual benefit to only one person. That would be the person that came up with this idea. While he or she is rolling in chia made money. The rest of us that bought one of these darn things have probably thrown them away or abandoned them like political signs the day after an election. Chia Pets are like a joke. A joke that is funny only once. Then you groan every time you hear it repeated. I probably shouldn't have bought seven of them.

I guess they were magical because they tricked me into buying one. You know the alleged heat transfer boards that can thaw an iceberg into an ice cube in only 30 minutes? I was intrigued because I love science. I don't understand it but I am intrigued. The only way a frozen steak would thaw in 30 minutes on one of those techno cutting boards would be if I put the steak and the board into my car on a hot July day. Because of these worthless piece of animal feces I have served meatsicles on more that one occasion.

Women seem to be able to get away with wearing underpants that have really cool sayings printed on them. That's because guys like reading underwear when they are on women. The transverse is not true. A pair of drawers with a picture of an elephant with room for the trunk is not sexy to a woman and pretty hard to explain when you have to use a common urinal at a bar. Although I do have a pair of underpants that say "I'm with stupid" and have an arrow pointing upward away from my crotch.

You have to be of a certain age to even know what the hell this is. Basically it's a telephone that looks like a shoe. It was a gift when you purchased a subscription to Sports Illustrated magazine. They only offered this electronic miracle of missed communication for a limited time. My guess the reason they stopped is because people where using these crappy telecommunication devices to call Sports Illustrated to cancel their subscription. In retrospect the one good thing about this stupid phone was seeing my mother make a phone call with what looked like a giant shoe stuck on the side of her head.