8 Things to Do While Stuck in Traffic

We have known it's been coming for quite some time. Just like Christmas, except you find out your better half's drunk uncle who sells x-ray machines is coming to stay for a week. Mostly like that. Yes, I just compared the traffic on the interstate to a drunk x-ray salesman. Let's move on.

Sitting in the station and seeing the endless Facebook posts, Snapchat rants, and even a few Instagram photos, it moved me to come up with a list of things to do while we are stuck in this traffic. Being an only child growing up, I had to come up with interesting things to do to bide my time as we took road trips.

Here are some ideas for you to pass the time while taking that 19 hour drive home to go 10 miles.

1. Have a staring contest with the driver next to you. Don't worry about rear-ending someone, you're not moving anyway. Simply look over, give them "the eye", and let the contest begin. Since these are "street rules", picking your nose and eating the nose candy is an acceptable way to get them to blink or puke. Either way, you'll still win.

2. Open a mobile bar in the back of your car. Yes, drinking and driving is highly illegal, but you're technically not driving, are you? Offer specialty drinks such as: The I-10 Gin Fizz, Don't Merge Martini, Westlake Shoulder Exiter Slammer, PPG Exit Mamosa, I-10/210 Pina Colada, and Patron. Ok, Patron isn't a specialty drink, but I guarantee it would be your best seller.

3. Come up with fun recipes for the roadkill you find on the side of the road. Fresh Opossum Jambalaya is a delicacy, somewhere, maybe.

4. Booger-ball. Pick your nose and fling your green gold at the car next to you. 5 points for the window, 15 points if the window is down and you make it inside the other car, 25 points if you hit the other driver.

5. Traffic Marco Polo. Roll your windows down and start screaming Marco. Either someone will yell "polo" or Marco will come wash your window. Win/Win on that situation. *edit: I couldn't find a non-copyrighted picture of Marco Polo, so here is a cat listening to the radio with headphones.

6. Motion to the car next to you and ask them if this is the line to get into the parking lot of the Mellow Mushroom in Lake Charles.

7. Attempt to order from Waitr by using mile marker signs and descriptions of the cars around you. "Yea, I'm in a white Nissan Altima next to a beat up Ford F150". That should get them right where you need to be...

8. Got a truck? Grab a sheet of visqueen, you know you can get some from the Sasol Mega Project. Line the bed of your truck, fill it with water. Instant pool. Want to add some luxury? Grab a hose from that pile you've been eyeing in the scrap heap by the contractor's tent and hook it from your exhaust and place the other end in the water. Instant Cajun Jacuzzi.

I'm sure by now your creative juices are flowing, unlike the ride home. No matter what you do while trying to pass the time in traffic, you should be tuned into Gator 99.5 and listening to the Drive at 5 from 3p-7p Monday thru Friday.

Be safe out there, and try not to ram into "that guy" who takes the shoulder exiting into Westlake.