I am a Karate expert every time I use a public bathroom.  My Bruce Lee moves come out, like everyone was Kung Fu Fighting and I am the only winner.  Tiny stalls, gross toilet handles, automatic faucets and soap dispensers?  Not to mention I am NOT sitting on that toilet.  It is like an Olympic game getting in and out the women's restroom in one piece.

This is my restroom experience:  walk in the stall, gingerly turning around to lock the door.  Pull pants down and do a sumo wrestler squat over the toilet while one hand holds your pants and the other is braced on the door/wall to balance.  Go pee, then wipe without touching the seat.  Get yourself together and turn around to push the toilet lever with your foot.  Yep, ladies....use the foot.  I have mastered this move.

Saturday, at the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, I unlocked the door with a piece of toilet paper and walked to the sink and just stared for a moment.  Do I touch the handle of the faucet?  Do I wave my hands under/over/near it hoping it drops water?  And, don't get me started on the automatic soap dispense.  I placed my hands under the disperser and the soap landed on the vanity and not in my hand.  Then, the faucet would not start.  I waved under it, over it, touched it, yelled at it, and finally realized I had to lift the lever.  Yep, sink=1; Erin=0.

What about tipping the bathroom attendants even when the soap and sink are automatic?  What if they just hand you a paper towel after you washed your hands?  I did tip $1 at a bar this weekend, mainly because I felt bad she had to stand in the bathroom all night with a bunch of inebriated woman (and I had the fish...didn't sit well).  Seriously, when did going to the bathroom become such an ordeal?  The expectation to be perfect is just too much.  I just want to pee and be done.