You see him at events all across SWLA. He's green, not so mean, and full of life. Gumbeaux Gator needs help, well the Lake Charles/Southwest Louisiana Convention and Visitors Bureau does.

Applications are now being accepted for actors/actresses to be THE Gumbeaux Gator. I ran across this post by the CVB and got really excited. My hands were sweating, I had a giant smile on my face, and was preparing my dance moves to bring him to life. I have experience, I was Buster Ball at Putt-Putt a few times when I worked there. Taking that past experience of being the best orange ball I could be, I was already writing my "mascot" resume in my head.

I began to read the requirements of being Gumbeaux Gator:

  1. Must be outgoing, friendly, and enjoy working with the public - I've got that ALL day, I dont even need a costume for that to happen
  2. Must have your own transportation to and from events. - Yep, and I get there in style in my Jeep. So far, so good.
  3. Must be 16+ - Physical age 35, mental age barely 16. As long as there isn't a mental health exam, I'm still in the running for this!
  4. Must be between 5'4" and 5'10" and weigh between 120-150 pounds.  - There is it dear reader, the one thing keeping me from Gumbeaux Gator Stardom. I get that he's short, but you cant tell me that big green machine weighs less than my right leg.

My dreams were shattered, like knowing its free extra chocolate milk day at College Oaks, to find out they were out of chocolate milk. Like finding out Santa Claus only drinks soy milk. Like find out Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack, wasn't really dressed in black ,black, black.

If you meet those requirements, by all means, please go apply. If you make it, you better come see me at the station so I can give you tips on how to move like a fat guy!