What Is ‘Gumbolaya’ And Why Does It Exist?
We all know what Gumbo is. We all know what Jambalaya is. But have you ever heard of Gumbolaya? Hopefully not, because its madness will seep into your very soul and make your heart weep.
Then again, we just told you about it, so I guess now you know. Sorry.
As its name suggests, Gumbolaya is the unholy union of marrying Gumbo with Jambalaya, and it’s everything that is wrong with the world. Don't get me wrong, though. This isn't actually Gumbo mixed with actual Jambalaya, which I might be able to get behind. No, this "gumbolaya" is something else entirely, and it just ain't right.
Go see for yourself! The Cozy Apron has a recipe for the affront against both God and Nature, if you’re interested in brewing up this monstrous concoction for whatever reason. I wouldn’t tell anybody about your experiment, though. People judge.
A couple of quick spoilers: this Gumbo has no roux, uses tomato paste as its base, and invites Cilantro to the party. Yes, cilantro.
Basically, they cook up some kind of ridiculous imitation of gumbo along with whatever the heck “fragrant garlic rice” is (apparently, it’s just jasmine rice with some garlic tossed in) and combine it all together.
Their gumbo isn’t gumbo, and their jambalaya isn’t jambalaya, but when they mix them together, they somehow form Gumbolaya. It's some kind of villainous alchemy is what it is.
It’s not just the one site, either. The plague of Gumbolaya is spreading across the internet, for reasons as of yet undetermined by the Centers for Disease Control. There may be no stopping it now.
Searching Google for the “hearty, spicy stew” yields about 1,290,000 results. That’s well over a million culinary travesties in the making. Out in California, there’s even a restaurant and food truck with the audacity to call itself The Ragin Cajun that sells the wretched combination at $14 bucks a bowl.
Saints preserve us, y’all.