It's no surprise, I'm a fat kid. With that, I have an appreciation of good food that is totally not good for me. At 16, I got my license, and the freedom to go where the road took me (as long as I was home by 10 and asked permission first). This newfound freedom allowed me to go where I wanted (with permission), and to take my friends along with me.

Now, as a husky fellow, that newfound freedom meant road trips to go eat places! Hooter's in Lafayette was always a fun choice (we liked the wings). Rocket Burger in Jennings for a shake and a cheeseburger. That was until we discovered the Diabetic Golden Triangle in Texas. Thus, the fat kid triathlon was invented.

Here's what you do, dear reader: get hungry and head West! Your first stop is at Wienerschnitzel, might I suggest the traditional chili cheese dog, or get fancy and get the Kraut dog. They also have corn dogs, so go crazy! You're not going to want to overdo it, because you still have 2 stops left in this.

Getty Images

Now, waddle yourself across the parking lot and hit up the beautiful white and orange-clad building called Whataburger! Double with cheese, no pickles and some fries with a strawberry shake. Obviously, you know this had to have Whataburger in the mix somewhere. Take it easy on the fries because we have one more place to go, and it's gonna be dessert.

Your last stop in the masticating marathon will be none other than Dairy Queen. We are going after their ice cream. There is nothing like a hand-dipped cone, and that's exactly what you want. Sweet talk the ice cream worker to add the dipping chocolate to the bottom of the cone before the ice cream. By the time you're ready to eat the cone, the chocolate at the bottom will be hard and solid chocolate.

Getty Images

Assuming you survived, you will be fat and sassy (and probably miserable). You did it! Now roll into the car, mainline some insulin, and head back home for a well-deserved nap. After all, athletes need rest after a strenuous workout!

Getty Images