An Open Letter to My Neighbors Upstairs

I love my apartment. It is the first time I have lived in one and I was lucky enough to get one on the bottom floor. Rent is great, the facility is great, and I have my own washer and dryer. Everything was peachy until some new tenants moved in above me.

Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

Welcome to the building. Congrats on moving in and settling into your new home. Lucky for you, you have the luxury of no one living above you to make lots of noises as they walk around. That being said, I have a few issues with your daily activities.

I was unaware bowling allies were part of the upstairs living area. I am assuming that you maintain three to four lanes due to the sounds of multiple objects rolling from the front door all the way to the kitchen. By the way, do you even have a kitchen?

I am not too sure if it's regulation size, but the basketball court you have installed over my couch seems nice, but the constant bouncing of a ball over it is rather distracting while I am lounging on it trying to watch Netflix. Perhaps you can post times of when you plan on having pick up games so I can make myself scarce from my living room.

I know Crocs are all the rage with the kids these days, however I haven't seen the shoe design I am assuming you wear. A design I can only imagine to be flip flops made of brings with spurs attached. Each step sounds like a brick hitting plywood followed by a "ching" with each step. I don't know a cowboy that would wear such footwear, but I am sure they are quite fashionable. I tried Googling Cowboy Brick Flops, but sadly did not find anything.

I honestly thought that our apartments were laid out the same. One night during your evening jog around your apartment, I decided to follow your steps around my own apartment. I have come to the conclusion that you also have a jogging track up there with no furniture, no kitchen, and no counter top to sit and eat at. Also, I am fairly certain you have no walls. Perhaps you are renting an open "studio" apartment that I was not aware was an option while signing my lease.

Lastly, you seem to randomly throw furniture around your apartment. One evening I swear you threw a chair from the front door into the kitchen. I looked up the Guinness World Record for furniture throwing, and it doesn't seem to exist. If my measuring tape is accurate, you have already set the record for furthest furniture thrown at 28ft 11inches. Congrats! Call them and get your trophy. There are other awards to go for, like sitting the longest on couch and not making a noise. Perhaps you make that your next goal.

In closing, try and remember that you do live upstairs and maybe there is a random radio DJ living under you that might pop on in one day to take a lap around your jogging track.