Santa’s Little Psycho: My Terrifying Home Goods Find

You know how the holidays have a way of throwing surprises at you? Well, this year, mine came in the form of a truly insane-looking Elf on the Shelf. And let me tell you, this little guy isn’t here to spread joy—it’s more like he’s plotting something diabolical from his perch on my mantle.

I found him at HomeGoods in Lake Charles. It was one of those spur-of-the-moment holiday shopping trips where you go in for something simple—like candles—and end up stumbling across a treasure trove of quirky Christmas decorations. As soon as I saw him, I knew I had to have him. His face is wild: wide, unsettling eyes that seem to follow you around the room, a grin that’s more Joker than Jolly St. Nick, and cheeks so rosy it looks like he’s either been into the eggnog or plotting my downfall.

"Why on earth would someone make an elf like this?" I wondered as I stood there in the aisle. But honestly, that’s what sold me. Every other Elf on the Shelf out there is cute, wholesome, and cheery—this one has personality. Or maybe he just has unresolved issues. Either way, I couldn’t leave him behind.

Now, he’s taken up residence in my house, and I’ve got to admit, it’s been entertaining. My family is somewhere between amused and creeped out. My daughter, Toot, says he looks like the kind of elf who'd burn the cookies if you left him alone in the kitchen. My wife, Laura, just shakes her head every time she walks past him, muttering something about “bad energy.”

But here's the thing—people are talking about him. Every time someone comes over, it’s the same reaction: they do a double take, laugh nervously, and then ask where I found him.

I mean, isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Sparking conversation, making memories, and maybe giving your friends and family a mild heart attack when they spot your deranged elf peeking out from behind a poinsettia?

So, if you’re feeling adventurous this holiday season, swing by Home Goods in Lake Charles and see if you can find one of these little weirdos for yourself. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you—this elf might be watching you right now, and not in the cute “reporting back to Santa” kind of way.

Happy holidays, everyone—and good luck sleeping with this guy in the house.