Weird Junk You Can Buy In Lake Charles
Craigslist is a weird place, filled with weird things and weird people. Combine all that with the wonderful weirdness of Southwest Louisiana, and you have a recipe for some genuinely freaky stuff. Well, some of it's freaky. Some of it's just odd, and some of it is downright creepy.
Have you ever wanted a creepy Pee Wee Herman doll to call your very own? Probably. I mean, who hasn’t wanted a tiny, portable Paul Reubens to talk to on those lonely nights when the newspaper-coated walls of the serial killer shrine you keep in your closet start to close in around you? Only $100!
I’m not even sure what “garden balls” are, and I have absolutely no idea why these are wrapped in whatever jute is, but here they are. They exist, like miniature, rustic Death Stars that were once used as wedding decor. Which is actually a pretty appropriate metaphor for marriage, when you stop to think about it. $450 for 16. A bargain!
This one is kind of a cheat, since coat hangers aren’t really all that weird. Unless, of course, you stop to think about why we call them coat hangers when we hardly ever hang coats on them. Clothes hangers is probably a better term, but I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. What’s weird about this item is you can buy 100 of the suckers for $40-60, which I guess means there’s a $20 range for haggling. Over coat hangers. That you could buy at Dollar Tree for a buck.
It always makes me laugh when people tell you how much they paid for something whenever they bought whatever it is they’re trying to sell you, as if that information makes their asking price more attractive somehow. In this case, I don’t know if $2500 is a bargain for a gently used church steeple or not, because I’ve never really found myself in the church steeple buying market. But this one originally cost $5000 when it was new, so it’s 50% off. Still seems high. But it’s 19’ tall and has little windows in it, so there’s that. I never really understood the point of steeples, though. They’re always so sharp and pointy, it’s like churches use them to sort of poke at God to get his attention. You know, like how your mom used to stab your elbows with a fork to get you to take them off the table.
I’m not sure I even have the words for this, but I’ll try. Look. I get that mannequins are an essential part of the clothing business, but they’re still creepy. Granted, they’re less creepy when they’re all dressed up with cheap t-shirts from Old Navy or wherever, but when they’re naked? NO, THANK YOU. Their odd anatomical bulges make me uncomfortable, even though the silver ones are kind of cool in a Terminator 2 sort of way.
But mostly, I feel like they all contain the trapped and tormented souls of people who probably should’ve bought a $2500 church steeple when they were alive, but now its too late and they’ve been condemned by unknown forces to stare hopelessly out into the world through painted-on eyeballs, stuck in the corner of a crumbling department store where they get inappropriately eyeballed by pervy men while making women feel bad about their bodies. And that’s just until a dark wizard comes along and brings all of them to life to act as his army of shiny plastic murder minions. They start at $175 and go up from there, presumably for added features I don’t even want to know about. I’ll pass.